mornings, when i wake,
the first parts of my mind
to kick into gear,
and then try to kick my butt,
are the anxieties, doubts, fears,
and all the rest that has made
my life so difficult to live for so long.
this is not
a great way
to start
my day.
these are the parts of my mind
with the most experience,
almost as if this
is who i naturally am.
and yea,
well maybe
i am
that person,
anxious & afraid.
each morning, each day,
i have to remind myself of this:
these first-thing-in-the-morning
thoughts & feelings
are not the truth of my life.
the only truth
is that i exist,
that i am here,
that it is now.
the distortions in reality
that are my thoughts of being
a useless loser and total failure.
i see their dull glow
in the early darkness,
but the daylight
lets me watch
as they fade away.