the TABnet home page of doom

creating what i haven’t lived

I have not lived much of my life; for the most part, I have simply been carried along by circumstances. This has not been a good thing. What good has happened has been more by luck, or the compassion of others, than my own agency. I have been far more fortunate than skilled.

And that luck did not hold up. Not with anxiety and depression ever lurking to take me down.

This website represents, or re-presents, my attempt here in 2020 to live my life with intention. One year ago, I began a mindfulness meditation practice, and it has done me a world of good. Today, I have a new understanding about how I want to live my life, of how I intend to create my life. This is an experiment in self-creation through the things I love to do and the things that are meaningful to me. 

politics

enough of the fear

2020-03-02 0
Fearing a bad outcome is a terrible way to move forward in politics. Even with bad outcomes possible, I refuse to let fear control me; I’m committed to believing in my beliefs all the way.
sports

back at it

2020-02-26 0
I used to run a lot. I also used to not run a lot. I have had a sporadic history with running, but, thanks to my mental health issues over the years, I have not maintained a consistent running practice. To add to the difficulties, I have had little fitness
sports

2020 baseball is here at last

2020-02-19 0
I have never paid attention to off-season baseball the way I have done this year. Spring Training has never held my attention as does right now in its first few days. The reason for this unprecedented attention is simple: The Houston Astros getting away with cheating and stealing the 2017 World
politics

capital vs wealth

2020-02-17 0
We call the United States a capitalist economy, but we’ve become a wealth-hoarding oligarchy. This is a failure of capitalism and a danger to our future.
carpe bucko

what i am

2020-02-14 0
When I was in kindergarten, I was sent to stand out in the hall for getting angry during some activity. I don’t believe I had a tantrum; I just got angry. Back then, a time-out was to be kicked-out. This is one of my earliest memories. A few years
memes

genuine across the board

2020-01-29 0
this is my take on a meme going around recently (and apparently started by Dolly Parton). most likes i’ve ever gotten for something, about 200, but to be fair, that’s on a Warren FB page!
carpe bucko

something more

2020-01-28 0
As a former Christian turned atheist, I have a lot of stuff that continues to linger. Perhaps most useful, as compared to the crap dealing with being good, guilt, etc, is the question of spirituality. While I do believe that the universe is an entirely physical thing, not only are
politics

one reason. the only reason.

2020-01-25 0
If she were Edward, and not Elizabeth, “he” would have the nomination wrapped up.
carpe bucko

nothing to apologize for

2020-01-20 0
A friend messaged me the other day to chastise me for not turning to them for help when my ex-housemate robbed me of a bunch of stuff, including my entire month’s SNAP allocation. My immediate response was to send a return message apologizing and explaining … but then I stopped,
politics

the Convenient Memory of Privilege

2020-01-14 0
Let’s take them both at their word. Here’s what he said:
Donald Trump is a sexist, a racist and a liar who would weaponize whatever he could.
Here’s what she said:
I thought a woman could win; he disagreed.
anime

K-ON: the new Monkees

2020-01-12 0
I remember watching The Monkees as a ten-year-old: the show was silly, the characters enjoyable, and the music was really good. Last month, watching K-On for a second time (and I had only watched it for the first time a couple of months before that), I realized that Ho-kago Tea
carpe bucko

befriending

2019-10-19 0
It began with this sentence from the book “The Nurturing Effect” by Anthony Biglan: In the first session, the parent consultant befriended the family and began to learn about how parents were …. And my immediate reaction was: Befriend? Seriously? You could almost see the sneer. But almost immediately, a different
carpe bucko

happy accidents

2019-09-27 0
YouTube decided I needed to meet Jeremy Fielding. For once, YouTube was right. I did need to meet Jeremy. The algorithm was trying to make me into a source of income, of course, but, by this happy accident, I found something I needed at the exact moment I needed it.
carpe bucko

wholeness

2019-06-26 0
When I was 14, I was a lonely person. My parents had divorced, I had one friend, no real social life. So when I was welcomed by the Wednesday night Bible study at my church one day, I fell into Christianity with the desperate need for something that we all feel
carpe bucko

love. bleah.

2019-06-17 0
Love needs to go away. Here in Pride Month, the day after Portland’s annual gasm of proud pridery, the message is loud and clear: Feel the love. All this support! all this love! Isn’t it wonderful? Yes, it is; it is wonderful to see so many Oregonians getting