Carpe Bucko

more than healing

Carpe Bucko started as a blog project and has continued on sporadically. At this point, it’s meant to describe my mental health journey. (I need to update that logo; I’ve recently come to understand that anxiety and not depression has been my life-long challenge. Depression has just been a delightful side effect.)

quiet satisfaction

2020-11-09 0
2020 has been a great year for me that has also taken a toll. Not to mention knowing how awful it’s been for so many people. How happy can I be with the things that went well for me? But is it ok not to be happy with things that

perfection

2020-11-05 0
Living life perfectly is not about doing things perfectly. It’s about sticking to your intentions to do something, however half-assed the attempt may be. Perfection is an intention, the willingness to live the life you want to live.

happy enough for 2020

2020-11-04 0
The Dodgers won the World Series and my friend won his election to local office. So why am I not giddy with delight?

I wonder if this shitshow we call 2020 could have anything to do with that?

scratching the itch

2020-10-20 0
Mindfulness is about learning to focus attention purposefully, not like a dog dragged around by a leash. Learning to be with a small irritation like an itch is an unpleasant but useful way to learn how to also be with anxiety, fear, and such. The funny thing is: it works!

stop and see the change

2020-10-14 0
Mental healthiness isn’t a quick project. It can happen so slowly, you don’t even know you’re doing it.

entropy can wait

2020-10-12 0
Entropy: the law of the universe that says energy is constantly loss and everything falls apart. Pretty much summarizes depression, too – but it doesn’t have to be. We can put off entropy, not forever but long enough for a good life.

distraction

2020-09-29 0
Mindfulness meditation involves a lot of being unmindfully distracted. It’s a normal thing. The key isn’t to stop being distracted but to acknowledge when it happens and return attention where you intend it to be. Gently, kindly.

the moon

2020-06-30 0
John Green, on discovering the moon: I suppose I’d known moonlight existed, but somehow I had made it to adulthood without ever having a personal experience of it. And there was the world, lit by something that cannot shine light but still finds a way to share light. I

despite that….

2020-06-16 0
Life is hard, then you die. So what? Man up & deal with it. If only it were that easy.

willingness and perseverance

2020-05-25 0
Running away and hiding is, of course, the exact opposite of willingness and perseverance.

value adding

2020-05-18 0
It’s not that I don’t have any values; I am simply unable to define them. Which means, for all practical purposes, I don’t have any functional values. This is a problem. Because I have been able to get consistent long-term mental health care through the VA, meeting

what i am

2020-02-14 0
When I was in kindergarten, I was sent to stand out in the hall for getting angry during some activity. I don’t believe I had a tantrum; I just got angry. Back then, a time-out was to be kicked-out. This is one of my earliest memories. A few years