Carpe Bucko

more than healing

Carpe Bucko started as a blog project and has continued on sporadically. At this point, it’s meant to describe my mental health journey. (I need to update that logo; I’ve recently come to understand that anxiety and not depression has been my life-long challenge. Depression has just been a delightful side effect.)

why your brain doesn’t work right

2021-07-27 0
Ten thousand years might seem like a long time, but it really isn’t. The Earth is over 4.5 billion years old. Humans have had almost no time to adjust to the radical change made in how our species lives. No wonder your brain doesn’t work right.


2021-05-04 0
I have a number of goals for my mental health and mindfulness work. Right now, I’m working on equanimity: being aware of when my buttons are getting pushed and not responding habitually but based on my values

the paradox of striving

2021-04-26 0
Mental health takes work. Mindfulness takes letting go of the desire to accomplish something. This is a troublesome mix of ideas, and it’ something people with a mindfulness practice struggle with. But an understanding of the paradox helps open a door to a life lived freely.

anxiety today

2021-04-23 0
The critical thing I’ve learned about my mental health in the past year or two is that my main problem isn’t depression; that’s just an added bonus. No, my real issue is anxiety, just like about one-quarter of the world (or probably more, here in the world

with ease

2021-01-01 0
Having a clear vision of the future and my path forward is not only not going to happen, it’s not really possible. What is possible is to accept that uncertainty, to accept the jumbled messes in my head, and to live with ease – not because my life is going

complete & whole

2020-12-07 0
Many mindfulness practices include the admonition to recognize yourself as “complete and whole”. For people with any number of mental or physical challenges, that does not make a lot of sense. I’m starting to get a bit of a grasp on the concept.


2020-11-30 0
Depression and anxiety put obstacles in front of life. With good mental health care and a solid mindfulness practice, these obstacles can be replaced with an understanding of how values lead to committed action.

unfinished business

2020-11-14 0
Mindfulness practice begins with a focus on the breath. Good luck staying there long. But that’s not doing it wrong; it’s just practice. And sometimes “doing it wrong” leads to a valuable outcome.

quiet satisfaction

2020-11-09 0
2020 has been a great year for me that has also taken a toll. Not to mention knowing how awful it’s been for so many people. How happy can I be with the things that went well for me? But is it ok not to be happy with things that


2020-11-05 0
Living life perfectly is not about doing things perfectly. It’s about sticking to your intentions to do something, however half-assed the attempt may be. Perfection is an intention, the willingness to live the life you want to live.

happy enough for 2020

2020-11-04 0
The Dodgers won the World Series and my friend won his election to local office. So why am I not giddy with delight?

I wonder if this shitshow we call 2020 could have anything to do with that?

scratching the itch

2020-10-20 0
Mindfulness is about learning to focus attention purposefully, not like a dog dragged around by a leash. Learning to be with a small irritation like an itch is an unpleasant but useful way to learn how to also be with anxiety, fear, and such. The funny thing is: it works!