more than healing
Carpe Bucko started as a blog project and has continued on sporadically. At this point, it’s meant to describe my mental health journey. (I need to update that logo; I’ve recently come to understand that anxiety and not depression has been my life-long challenge. Depression has just been a delightful side effect.)
equanimity
I have a number of goals for my mental health and mindfulness work. Right now, I’m working on equanimity: being aware of when my buttons are getting pushed and not responding habitually but based on my values
the paradox of striving
Mental health takes work. Mindfulness takes letting go of the desire to accomplish something. This is a troublesome mix of ideas, and it’ something people with a mindfulness practice struggle with. But an understanding of the paradox helps open a door to a life lived freely.
anxiety today
The critical thing I’ve learned about my mental health in the past year or two is that my main problem isn’t depression; that’s just an added bonus. No, my real issue is anxiety, just like about one-quarter of the world (or probably more, here in the world
complete & whole
Many mindfulness practices include the admonition to recognize yourself as “complete and whole”. For people with any number of mental or physical challenges, that does not make a lot of sense. I’m starting to get a bit of a grasp on the concept.
unfinished business
Mindfulness practice begins with a focus on the breath. Good luck staying there long. But that’s not doing it wrong; it’s just practice. And sometimes “doing it wrong” leads to a valuable outcome.
quiet satisfaction
2020 has been a great year for me that has also taken a toll. Not to mention knowing how awful it’s been for so many people. How happy can I be with the things that went well for me? But is it ok not to be happy with things that
perfection
Living life perfectly is not about doing things perfectly. It’s about sticking to your intentions to do something, however half-assed the attempt may be. Perfection is an intention, the willingness to live the life you want to live.
happy enough for 2020
The Dodgers won the World Series and my friend won his election to local office. So why am I not giddy with delight?
I wonder if this shitshow we call 2020 could have anything to do with that?
I wonder if this shitshow we call 2020 could have anything to do with that?
scratching the itch
Mindfulness is about learning to focus attention purposefully, not like a dog dragged around by a leash. Learning to be with a small irritation like an itch is an unpleasant but useful way to learn how to also be with anxiety, fear, and such. The funny thing is: it works!
stop and see the change
Mental healthiness isn’t a quick project. It can happen so slowly, you don’t even know you’re doing it.