Carpe Bucko

more than healing

Carpe Bucko started as a blog project and has continued on sporadically. At this point, it’s meant to describe my mental health journey. (I need to update that logo; I’ve recently come to understand that anxiety and not depression has been my life-long challenge. Depression has just been a delightful side effect.)

with ease

2021-01-01 0
Having a clear vision of the future and my path forward is not only not going to happen, it’s not really possible. What is possible is to accept that uncertainty, to accept the jumbled messes in my head, and to live with ease – not because my life is going

complete & whole

2020-12-07 0
Many mindfulness practices include the admonition to recognize yourself as “complete and whole”. For people with any number of mental or physical challenges, that does not make a lot of sense. I’m starting to get a bit of a grasp on the concept.


2020-11-30 0
Depression and anxiety put obstacles in front of life. With good mental health care and a solid mindfulness practice, these obstacles can be replaced with an understanding of how values lead to committed action.

unfinished business

2020-11-14 0
Mindfulness practice begins with a focus on the breath. Good luck staying there long. But that’s not doing it wrong; it’s just practice. And sometimes “doing it wrong” leads to a valuable outcome.

quiet satisfaction

2020-11-09 0
2020 has been a great year for me that has also taken a toll. Not to mention knowing how awful it’s been for so many people. How happy can I be with the things that went well for me? But is it ok not to be happy with things that


2020-11-05 0
Living life perfectly is not about doing things perfectly. It’s about sticking to your intentions to do something, however half-assed the attempt may be. Perfection is an intention, the willingness to live the life you want to live.

happy enough for 2020

2020-11-04 0
The Dodgers won the World Series and my friend won his election to local office. So why am I not giddy with delight?

I wonder if this shitshow we call 2020 could have anything to do with that?

scratching the itch

2020-10-20 0
Mindfulness is about learning to focus attention purposefully, not like a dog dragged around by a leash. Learning to be with a small irritation like an itch is an unpleasant but useful way to learn how to also be with anxiety, fear, and such. The funny thing is: it works!

stop and see the change

2020-10-14 0
Mental healthiness isn’t a quick project. It can happen so slowly, you don’t even know you’re doing it.

entropy can wait

2020-10-12 0
Entropy: the law of the universe that says energy is constantly loss and everything falls apart. Pretty much summarizes depression, too – but it doesn’t have to be. We can put off entropy, not forever but long enough for a good life.


2020-09-29 0
Mindfulness meditation involves a lot of being unmindfully distracted. It’s a normal thing. The key isn’t to stop being distracted but to acknowledge when it happens and return attention where you intend it to be. Gently, kindly.

the moon

2020-06-30 0
John Green, on discovering the moon: I suppose I’d known moonlight existed, but somehow I had made it to adulthood without ever having a personal experience of it. And there was the world, lit by something that cannot shine light but still finds a way to share light. I