the TABnet home page of doom

creating what i haven’t lived

I have not lived much of my life; for the most part, I have simply been carried along by circumstances. This has not been a good thing. What good has happened has been more by luck, or the compassion of others, than my own agency. I have been far more fortunate than skilled.

And that luck did not hold up. Not with anxiety and depression ever lurking to take me down.

This website represents, or re-presents, my attempt here in 2020 to live my life with intention. One year ago, I began a mindfulness meditation practice, and it has done me a world of good. Today, I have a new understanding about how I want to live my life, of how I intend to create my life. This is an experiment in self-creation through the things I love to do and the things that are meaningful to me. 

carpe bucko

willingness and perseverance

2020-05-25 0
Running away and hiding is, of course, the exact opposite of willingness and perseverance.
carpe bucko

value adding

2020-05-18 0
It’s not that I don’t have any values; I am simply unable to define them. Which means, for all practical purposes, I don’t have any functional values. This is a problem. Because I have been able to get consistent long-term mental health care through the VA, meeting
japanese

the fun of katakana

2020-03-11 0
I love the Japanese language for many reasons. Part of it no doubt stems from the weird way my brain works, while some is an appreciation for the way they’ve resolved certain language issues. Japanese does not have an alphabet in the way English does; no vowels (a, e,
politics

enough of the fear

2020-03-02 0
Fearing a bad outcome is a terrible way to move forward in politics. Even with bad outcomes possible, I refuse to let fear control me; I’m committed to believing in my beliefs all the way.
sports

back at it

2020-02-26 0
I used to run a lot. I also used to not run a lot. I have had a sporadic history with running, but, thanks to my mental health issues over the years, I have not maintained a consistent running practice. To add to the difficulties, I have had little fitness
sports

2020 baseball is here at last

2020-02-19 0
I have never paid attention to off-season baseball the way I have done this year. Spring Training has never held my attention as does right now in its first few days. The reason for this unprecedented attention is simple: The Houston Astros getting away with cheating and stealing the 2017 World
politics

capital vs wealth

2020-02-17 0
We call the United States a capitalist economy, but we’ve become a wealth-hoarding oligarchy. This is a failure of capitalism and a danger to our future.
carpe bucko

what i am

2020-02-14 0
When I was in kindergarten, I was sent to stand out in the hall for getting angry during some activity. I don’t believe I had a tantrum; I just got angry. Back then, a time-out was to be kicked-out. This is one of my earliest memories. A few years
memes

genuine across the board

2020-01-29 0
this is my take on a meme going around recently (and apparently started by Dolly Parton). most likes i’ve ever gotten for something, about 200, but to be fair, that’s on a Warren FB page!
carpe bucko

something more

2020-01-28 0
As a former Christian turned atheist, I have a lot of stuff that continues to linger. Perhaps most useful, as compared to the crap dealing with being good, guilt, etc, is the question of spirituality. While I do believe that the universe is an entirely physical thing, not only are
politics

one reason. the only reason.

2020-01-25 0
If she were Edward, and not Elizabeth, “he” would have the nomination wrapped up.
carpe bucko

nothing to apologize for

2020-01-20 0
A friend messaged me the other day to chastise me for not turning to them for help when my ex-housemate robbed me of a bunch of stuff, including my entire month’s SNAP allocation. My immediate response was to send a return message apologizing and explaining … but then I stopped,
politics

the Convenient Memory of Privilege

2020-01-14 0
Let’s take them both at their word. Here’s what he said:
Donald Trump is a sexist, a racist and a liar who would weaponize whatever he could.
Here’s what she said:
I thought a woman could win; he disagreed.
anime

K-ON: the new Monkees

2020-01-12 0
I remember watching The Monkees as a ten-year-old: the show was silly, the characters enjoyable, and the music was really good. Last month, watching K-On for a second time (and I had only watched it for the first time a couple of months before that), I realized that Ho-kago Tea
carpe bucko

befriending

2019-10-19 0
It began with this sentence from the book “The Nurturing Effect” by Anthony Biglan: In the first session, the parent consultant befriended the family and began to learn about how parents were …. And my immediate reaction was: Befriend? Seriously? You could almost see the sneer. But almost immediately, a different